Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
