The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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