oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
