the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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