so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
