No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
