Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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