Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
