So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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