Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm at about main and main street
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
