I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
