Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to fling myself into the sun
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
