I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
