Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
