im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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