the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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