Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
