my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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