I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
