Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
