You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
