I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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