i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
