Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
