if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
