Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
