I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
