She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
