Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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