I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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