taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
