just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
