Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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