I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
