So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
