i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
