the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
