eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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