just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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