Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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