Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
