Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
