We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
