Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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