take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My bed smells like the plague
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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