its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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