I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
