Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
