I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
