Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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