There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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