someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
