can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
