the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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