Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
