Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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