please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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