i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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