I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
