Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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