but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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