I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
