Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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