I wannas sexs uuuuu
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
