Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
