he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
